The Wedding Nightmare

At twenty three my woes seem to be dominated by one major crisis, mostly because it seems to be my mother's only cause for hysteria. When your mum's doctor calls you aside and advices you “Get married dear. Your mother will be cured.”, what does one make out of that situation. Maybe because Geetha aunty is not just my family doctor but also the one who was in the operation theater when i was born, it makes the situation bearable. But one must admit, it’s still weird isn’t it?? They all make me feel old. I mean really as if i was forty and graying!!! And many women even in their forty are not graying nowadays. This should be a crime. Someone should pass a law that Indian women needn’t really get married. And it should be made fashion to stay single till your forty or something. See am not being prude ,as my mother would call this, in fact this could be india’s solution to curb our population right? Why doesn’t anyone care about twenty three year olds in india and start a fast or something. Though am not brave enough to fast until death, i promise i shall give-up breakfast or something. The mothers are a very methodical species. First six months they throw hints at you in every possible obviously subtle manner. Like “oh look at this saree. You will look so pretty in it for your reception”. Just that am not wearing an orange saree even if tom cruise said he’d marry me if i wore that. And that’s very strong coming from me. I've always dreamed of getting married to him and Katie Holmes came in the way. Which is better though, am very happy for them. Now, one mustn't think am this anti-marriage person with all feminist principles. Cinderella was my favorite fairy tale. Partly because i wanted to wear glass slip-ons and i spent my ages four to eight wearing nothing but slip-ons. But the point is, i was an avid mills n boon fan at sixteen. Little women was my favorite classic and i still dream of an Aditya Kashyap (for those who are wondering who he is, you should so watch the bollywood movie “jab we met”) rescuing me from a deserted railway station. Maybe they all have corrupted my mind as my aunt would say. Oh yes, she is my mother’s avid supporter. She’s the agony aunt. The world of romance and fairy tale has romanticized my view on Indian marriages. The concept of arranged marriages shock me. How can i decide on the guy i live with for the rest of my life in just about half an hour that i would get to interview him before i have to consent. And you should read these matrimony advertisements. They are hilarious, mind-blowing and apathetic. They call me cruel when i refuse to give in to the system. Someone should sue these people. Tall good looking “***” (which is the caste creed and nakshatra of the boy) seeks homely, well-educated fair bride. Excuse me, isn’t that apartheid or something? And what exactly is the definition of homely i still haven’t worked out. Women who have their own mind and can speak it out loud are considered arrogant. And the ideal bride is expected to be a super chef. I wonder if it was such a qualification why not make all women study catering and hotel management? I wish to advertise asking for a guy who knows to cook and help around house chores and see which family would respond positively. Isn’t the whole system too partial? Men just have to study and get a good job. That makes them qualified for marriage while the mother-in-law shopping for a girl for her son checks out the girls beauty, manners, and “homeliness” qualification, cooking expertise and a ton other things. Some families even ask the bride to sing. What are you testing her for a talent show? If one of her planets are in a jinxed position in her charts, that’s it. It’s the end of the brides future. Some families go through weird offerings to deities like getting the bride married to a plant first and slaying it. The other less fortunate families have to hunt for a groom with an equal dhosha to compensate or someone who is thirty odd, balding and fat, whose only hope of matrimony is if the mother finds him an unfortunate bride like this. Why does the most important decision in a girl’s life be what age she is choosing her husband? Even after we have educated our women and let them face the daily nuances of work, travel and a social life, Indian families are still insecure that the girl always needs a male shadow in her life. And the amount of money that is spent on the marriage is astonishing. One of the main reasons for a early marriage is that it is done before the father retires from a stable and bounty income. When he can still afford to throw cash and get his daughter married. It becomes a matter of prestige for the family. Why is the girl stake? Why cant i also be twenty eight, which is very normal for a boy, and single? Why cant i “settle down in my career” which again is a main criteria for men postponing their marriage, own a house and car before i choose my man? I am still discovering myself. How can i take a sane and stable decision if i like the guy you chose for me? Give me some breathing space. Maybe then we all can enjoy my marriage equally and i will not feel like am making a hasty mistake.